looking forward..

how time does fly!! 2010 is over. aadit is almost two years old. by next year this time he might get his a,b,c..s correct. ani is waiting for his company to kick off. its been eating away his piece of mind for the last two years. maybe 2011 would settle his worries. pappan is getting his house ready, with lots of hopes this time. 2011 might gift him/us a beautiful house. amma is looking forward to having a `bahu'. we have our fingers crossed, let that be a good girl suitable to pappan, god! please.....

what is in store for me? what is it that i am looking forward to? ani's company, pappan's house, his girl, amma's joy, appu's takng to food. What for me? all this and what else.. in office, i wonder if i will ever make it big for me. its almost six years in journalism..is it high time to bid goodbye? will 2011 be my last year at work?

give me calm..peace...and i will live..if not anything else...

15th IFFK

Another IFFK passed by. The most eventful so far...and the one i would remember for years to come. Mainly becoz we had Herzog this time. What a human being! What a filmmaker!

I saw only one movie of Herzog's -Aguirre, the wrath of God. The first scene begins on the top of Amazon mountains, people dressed for an expedition moving through the tiny trail, like ants following one another. The mighty mountains, the cloudy mist and the pervading greens give the scene an other-worldly look. U wonder..how did herzog ever think of such a scene? and how did he shoot? The scenes that followed were all a wonder. U could feel the sweat and pain that must have gone into its making. And above all was the presence of Kinski, the protagonist in the film.

I was awe-struck by the performance of this man..he was a wild beast..the words he said, he way he said, we know there is no other way to do or say that. I wanted to talk to Herzog about it. Thought `okay i will catch him when he leaves the press conference. I followed him and as he was about to leave, went forward, introduced myself and was going to ask for 5 minutes when suddenly a man beside me whisked him off. They said i should come to the festival office for the chat. But there also, things were the same..i could not reach him..i was so depressed..man!u don't know..

the rest of the iffk went by as usual...films, interviews..carlos..ayyappan..and on the second last day, i saw `my best fiend' directed by Herzog. It was about Kinski, the actor who is present in five films. The film had come as a gift to me..from God saying i need not miss the interview..here are the answers to your questions.

I wanted to write so much on the film,,the way Herzog beautifully narrates his friendship and his hatred (at times) for Kinski, the extent of Kinski's fury, the difficulties of handling a maniac like Kinski in the sets of the films and much more. His inherent sense of humour was visible throughout the film. But there were moments when u could understand kinski but not herzog. A man who takes out his fury, is ego-centric, wants all attention upon himself, at the same time with warmth in his heart is Kinski. But Herzog?

I had tears in my eyes as the film came to a close. Such a legendary filmmaker had come all the way down from the Amazons, from the Nature's lap , carrying tonnes of experience and had actually shown the heart to listen to a girl who was one among the millions of people who begged for his time, for his words...i was humbled.

On my return home after the movie, i forgot to pick my car. I took an auto, actually i did not want to drive, i wanted to contemplate on the movie..

These are life's best moments, when u realise where u stand.. and get a chance to re-think. Herzog gave me a chance.

I Missed U!

One year is a long time to stay away...u know what? i even forgot my password to blogspot. the immediate reason for my return is ariel, my blogger friend. actually, she was my college-mate. her name brings memories of those days which were the most wonderful days in my life. Friends, love, fun, discoveries, freedom..wow..now the thoughts leak pain. My graduation days..our college. And she, ariel, was close to our six member gang. Our excursions were lovely...in the deep woods of ooty, to the palaces of Mysore..

The other night, minutes before sleep enveloped me, I had ariel's face in my mind. I was missing friendships, fun with girl-gangs and more. And i thought, where is she, maybe i can find her in FB. And today, quite unexpectedly, without my putting any effort, i stumbled upon her profile. And there she was...as lovely as ever. She had a blog which I read and understood that nothing much has changed in her.

And I thought, why did i ever stop blogging? It had kept a large portion within me intact. Thats when i decided to come back..

It is a coincidence that my last post had touched upon IFFK. and my return-post also collides with IFFK. It's almost here...from Dec 10. As always, its time for some happy memories. sang is with the tummy this year, jips has got married, but still IFFk is fun to be with...

at home, aadit is running around, blah-blah-ing all the time..i am striving to be a mother deserving such a wonderful child...

Small Life, Big Happenings

There is so much happening in the blogs that I sometimes wonder if I am behind the times. But too much has been happening in my life too. aadi is 7 months now, naughty is the nicest of words you can find for him, he is absolutely impossible! wonder how am going to manage in a couple of months.
there is too much happening in office too. many faces that i have first seen in IE have almost disappeared. and the common faces sometimes change colours in such unexpected ways that i wonder if i had actually known them before. its true there cannot be a better office atmosphere anywhere else. If you cant work here, u can work nowhere. still i miss many faces, voices, talks and friendships.
at home, wedding bells are ringing for bhai. he is the most happiest face around me now. i am reminded of my courtship days actually, seeing him learning the first lessons in love...in three weeks, a new member is to arrive, too much going to happen. by the time the hungama of bhai's wedding will end, it will be time for another IFFK.
IFFK is always a time to return to some old memories. this time i will make sure i see atleast one movie. last time with my tummy full , there were no movies for me. but meeting subhash ghai, pandit shivkumar sharma and ina puri was a memorable experience. wonder when i will sit to write next.

Mama's World

He is here. three months now though his acts look even older and naughtier! he wants to swim in our bed n is working hard towards it. i never thought old wives' tales about bringing up children could be so true. its a tight-rope walk. very dangerous if u r not careful. every minute u r taught new things, u are open to new ideas (which have been there for ages) and u follow a rare intuitive call of ur mind which is amusingly always right with ur kid.
i wonder about the biggest magic called child-birth. how do a child know to suck milk minutes after its birth? who teaches them all these yogasanas which we think are their ways to cry and make noise. many of their acts are so matching of the asanas we do in yoga. if it can help a child to walk, no wonder it helps adults who already know to use their legs and hands...
right now, i am sad to resume my office from monday. i will have to leave him home for hours. but someone said its good on a long term basis that ur child has a working mother, who can give him a new broad world better than `housey' mothers. dont know if its true. but after experiencing a god-like magic for some months, its hardly easy to be back to normal...its more easy to be a full-time amma.
Lesson one i learnt is that `nothing is as simple as it looks' when it concerns ur child. Lesson two-u r bonded with ur child in ways u can never imagine until u become a mother. lesson three-u hav entered a fire -pit, better learn the tricks easier and emerge successful. coz for the first time in life, u r writing the exams and ur child is set to win or lose.

Blogspot n me!

Been away for so long, just that i cudnt find the right words to put down. i was so busy coping with motherhood! but blogs have almost become a part of me. eversince we have started out with this blogspot column in our paper especially. It's been wonderful, meeting so many talents in the blog, speaking to unknown faces and listening to unheard voices, writing about them, and reading their comments, seeing it published in others' blogs.....its the way to live!
blogspot has almost rejuvenated me. it has opened a new stream of thinking i was so far ignorant of. Look at the way people write, they are chemists, teachers ..but on the blog they are so wonderful with words. much more than we scribes!!
even when my baby comes, i hope i am able to continue with blogspot. atleast he will get to know from very young that words are the ultimate power. u hav that, u can win over many hearts..
by the way, he will be here in two months...but i cant get a name for him. it should start with `a'. is there anybody thinking of helping me???

am still here!

It's been a terrific time. since august first week when i heard that my little baby is on the way, it's been exciting. well, not very much in the beginning. fear, a sort of disbelief, and a hesitation gripped me..things have started to look better now. being a mother may be a good living..afterall, it's the child of our love.
been away from office and regular life until last week. Getting back to work and office was not that easy. and all that fun and excitement of reporting is missing. but again, being there is something valuable.
sometimes i talk to my baby and i think he can hear. just have a feeling it's `he'. has a lot to tell u. not now.......